“The whole life of the good Christian is a holy longing…let us long because we are to be filled…” ~St. Augustine
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You’ll recall this quote from last week’s devo, and I want to finish up this little “series” by diving a little deeper once again into what it means to live with a holy longing—by looking at what it’s not.
It’s not telling (or even asking) God all the things we want—friends, a future husband and kids, prosperity, safety, etc., and expecting him to come through, like Santa or something. It’s not that God doesn’t care about these things…but rather, they are “after” things. Things God will bless you with after you surrender your heart to him. He will come through, but he wants the deeper parts of you first.
It’s not opening yourself up to hurt for the sake of being hurt. Yes, desire often brings pain, because we want certain things and then become disappointed when our expectations aren’t met. It’s not about dwelling in our unmet desires, wallowing in sorrow because we have asked for so long and still don’t have what we want.
What holy longing is about is something really terrifying—honesty. It’s about opening up and inviting Jesus to those places in your heart that make you restless, that cause you to stumble, that leave you wanting more. It’s about being real. It’s asking God to reveal those dark places that maybe you have pushed down for years. It’s about coming out of hiding. It’s about standing your ground when you want to run away because it’s scary or it hurts.
It’s crying out, saying, “God, will you look at me? Look at this horrible mess! I’m too much, I’m not enough; I try so hard and I always come up short. My heart is troubled and empty. Will you come fill me?”
It’s not about chasing after your desires on your own and asking God for a little assistance along the way. It’s about chasing after God first and foremost, then asking him to fill your desires along the way—and seeking him all the while as we wait for him to bless us with what he knows is best, from his own hand.
It’s not easy. The life of a woman after God’s own heart is never easy. But it’s an adventure of beauty, mystery, and wholeness. Isn’t that what we all desire?
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“As the deer searches frantically, breathless, and parched for a stream of sweet, cool water—that’s how my soul longs after you, O God.” ~Ps. 42:1
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